If I had a mistress, this is where I would take her.

It might not sound like a compliment, but, trust me: it is.

Surely the best hotels in the world are the ones where you’d take your imaginary mistress. Think about it: discretion, privacy, luxury, indulgence. Aren’t those the exact buzz words of the perfect hotel? It’s merely a coincidence that they are also well suited to a cheeky rendez-vous.

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If, in this hypothetic gender-switching, married situation, I had a lover in London, I would take her to Jumeriah Lowndes Hotel. Why? Because the hotel is everything you’d want from a quiet weekend away. The miniature hotel, part of the Jumeriah group, is little sister to nearby Jumeriah Carlton Tower. Although lovely, the Jumeriah Carlton Tower would be a too obvious choice; big, grand, ostentatious, it lacks the boutique charm and personal feel of its smaller counterpart.

If you’re looking for a London stay cation, or indeed, somewhere to take your mistress this Christmas, here’s what you need to know:

Jumeirah Lowndes Hotel: The Lowdown

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The hotel, in the heart of Belgravia Village, is chic and contemporary; moments away from Knightsbridge with its high-end boutiques and incredible designer window displays, it still manages to be quiet and intimate. Set in a leafy square, the hotel only has 88 bedrooms – it’s location is perfect for Christmas shopping near Hyde Park and the West End. It’s very, very calm. 

Jumeirah Lowndes Hotel: The Rooms

Jumeriah Lowndes Hotel, Jumeriah Carlton Towers, hotels in london, best hotels in London, hotel London, London hotels

Jumeriah Lowndes Hotel, Jumeriah Carlton Towers, hotels in london, best hotels in London, hotel London, London hotels

The rooms vary from regular rooms to executive suites. Whilst the regular rooms are rather basic, the suites are something special and perfect if you’re looking to indulge a little. Occupying the higher floors of the building, the suites, at 40 square metres, have space and room like you wouldn’t normally get in London; facing the courtyard below or Lowndes Square, you could be miles away. There’s an amazing king sized bed, as well as a sofa bed, so you can easily three people (not that you’d want to). The suites comes with all the necessary amenities; WiFi, walk-in wardrobes, Nespresso coffee machine and a really, really nice television.

Jumeirah Lowndes Hotel: The Food

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There’s quite a few dining options both within and outside the hotel; Lowndes Bar and Kitchen within the hotel serves easy, simple British fare – and you can eat al fresco here in the summer. If you’re looking for something a bit more fancy, The Rib Room at Jumeriah Carlton Tower is a real destination restaurant itself (you have to try the lobster thermidor and drink an Old Fashioned at the bar) – you can read more about the restaurant here. The restaurant is literally a minute’s walk from your hotel: total win.

Jumeirah Lowndes Hotel: The Facilities

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The reason this would be my Mistress Hotel is that the hotel has both boutique cuteness AND facilities, due to the fact you can use the nearby larger hotel’s spa, as complimentary in your room price. It’s really the best of both worlds; the unique experience of staying in a small, blink-and-you-would-miss-it hotel, with the perks of a larger, more well equipped one – for one price, and only a 2-minute walk from each other.

Jumeirah Lowndes Hotel: The Spa

Jumeriah Lowndes Hotel, Jumeriah Carlton Towers, hotels in london, best hotels in London, hotel London, London hotels

Jumeriah Lowndes Hotel, Jumeriah Carlton Towers, hotels in london, best hotels in London, hotel London, London hotels

The Peak Health Club at Jumeirah Carlton Tower is a strange oasis of calm above bustling London; it has panoramic views of the city with floor-to-ceiling windows in the spa, and serves up healthy smoothies and salads, which you can enjoy over the stunning view. The treatments on offer range from a gentle head massage to a nourishing and rejuvenating body wrap. They’ve also got a state-of-the-art golf simulator, although we’re not sure how much action this sees.

Jumeirah Lowndes Hotel: The Verdict

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Book a stay at the Jumeriah Lowndes Hotel and you’ll finding yourself checking out of London, by checking in. Here’s what I suggest: come to unwind, to use the olympic swimming pool, chill out in the hot tub and relax in the steam room, before having a cheeky tipple at The Rib Room. If you’re like me, you’ll want to crash out in front of the TV with room service (I recommend the mozzarella paninis). If you’re in a sociable mood, get stuck in to the unashamedly rarefied food of The Rib Room and make your way through plates of steak and salmon tartar like it’s going out of fashion, and stumble back to your hotel after too many of their dangerously good martinis.

From there, the night is very young indeed.

Jumeirah Carlton Tower and Jumeirah Lowndes Hotel invite guests to ‘Stay for Longer,’ to make the most of all that London has to offer this winter. The package is available at both hotels and provides guests with 30% off the best available rates for stays of three nights or more and 20% off for a two night stay on a weekend. For more information and to book, see here.